First appointment at the IVF clinic tomorrow, wish me luck. Going solo as Liam can't get out of work. Hope things start to get moving now

Right, so my GP has now referred me or is about to refer me for IVF. He's filled out the forms, got me and Liam to go in and answer all kinds of horribly personal and invasive questions about our sex life, we signed the forms and they are ready to be sent off so they can put us on the waiting list.  Only thing to do is choose which clinic I want the referral to be sent to.  My GP doesn't have any information about any of the clincis and has given me a list fo 5 clinics that I'm entitled to treatment at and told to me go away, do some research and call him with the name of the clnic I want so he can send the paperwork off.

so here I go researching...

A good friend of mine has just lost her baby at 13 weeks.  I wish there was something I could do or say to make her feel better but I know how devastated she must be feeling.  We both started trying for a baby around the same time over a year ago and it's been really comforting to have someone go through the same frustration and disappointment and who understands how I feel.  Most other people (well meaning) keep saying, "don't worry, it'll happen when you least expect it" etc etc and just don't get that that is not helpful at all.

When she found out she was pregnant just over 3 months ago, I was so happy for her because I know what a hard slog its been to get there and I jokingly asked her to send me some of her baby luck my way.  I'm so gutted for her.  I can't imagine how devastating it is to lose a foetus especially when you wanted it so much.

Liam and I are going to Miami in September on holiday and I'm really hoping that the holiday atmosphere might work its magic on us.  Due to various reasons to do with my medical history and so on, time isn't really on our side and if we don't conceive naturally in the next couple of months, we are going to have to start looking at IVF.  I really hoped it wouldn't come to that but it looks like that's where we're headed.  I have an appointment with our consultant at the end of the month and hopefully he'll point us to the next step but God would it be too much to ask for this to happen for us naturally?!  We have both been checked out and apparently there is no reason why we are not conceiving and they call it "unexplained infertility".  Half of me thinks I wish there WAS something wrong because at least we'd know what it was and can try to treat it.

Anyway, nothing to do but wait and see.

In the meantime, I'm trying not to stress about the insane amount of work I have to do to get up to date at work before I go on holiday.  Speaking of which, I'd best get back to it!

Won't bother promising to update more often seeing as it's been a year and a half now since my last post!

Let's see, quick recap:

got married (yay!)
went on honeymoon (yay!)
got a job (yay!)
had good times and met good people and made at least one lasting friendship at said job (yay!)
job turned sour when manager was sacked and new management decided to suck the life out of us (boo!)
got made redundant from job (boo!)
flailed around for a couple of months temping and looking for work
found new (current) job in December and am very fulfilled (yay!)

Ooh - we also bought our house and have spent the last 3 months hip-deep in DIY and paint and skirting boards and bits of wood, tiles etc etc.  Our living room is almost complete, finally got the walls painted last weekend and just need to put new skirting boards back up on two walls this weekend then we're done.  It looks amazing and every night I sit on the couch and look at the newly painted walls and the feature wall (whtie brick effect) we put so much back-breaking effort into and marvel at how awesome it looks and how pleased I am with the way it's turned out.

I'm settling into my new job and really enjoying it so far.  I'm back to working in a small high street practice (the best kind, in my opinion) where the partners treat you like a person instead of a number, the people are really lovely and welcoming, the clients are mostly lovely, the salary is excellent, the location is excellent (30 minute drive - my shortest work journey ever) and best of all I'm managing my own department and actually have my own support staff (for a change!).

Married life is excellent!

The biggest thing going on in our lives at the moment is we started trying for a baby last summer.  It's exciting and we both can't wait to get pregnant but unfortunately my body is not cooperating and I've been referred to a fertility specialist for some 'initial investigations'.  Fingers crossed there won't be any problems but we'll see, I'm waiting for my appointment to come through. 

So fair warning - this will be the main topic for the forseeable future!

Anyway, work is calling, gotta get back

Well, despite my stubborn refusal to face the facts, I have been trying to convince myself over the last three months that things (i.e housing and mortgage market) are getting slowly better and it's not that bad and then all the banks started collapsing on Monday and I knew that was it and there was no hope for my job and so it wasn't really a huge shock when I was told yesterday that I'm being made redundant.

So I'm now officially unemployed.

I can't blame my firm because I know they have no other choice, and my boss bless him looked like he would rather be doing anything else when he broke the news to me yesterday and they are giving me a generous redundancy package all things considered so I suppose it could be worse. It's just that now I have to start the whole job hunting process again and I HATE job hunting, it's the most depressing demoralising process and it's bad enough having to do it under normal circumstances but now I have to do it in a climate where thousands of people have been made redundant and are also looking for work. There is absolutely nothing available in my field and I have no experience in any other field and I'm competing with thousands of other people in the same situation.

I finish next Thursday so this is my last Friday here. I can't believe how quickly everything moves.

This weekend is going to be fun fun fun wrestling with my cv(!)

 I have been staring at a blank word page on my screen for the last 50 minutes trying to draft a Statutory Declaration but my mind's gone completely bank and I can't concentrate to save my life.  Normal Monday I guess.

I had the last session of my root canal on Saturday afternoon.  It wasn't too bad, she didn't even have to anaesthatise me as it had gone really well and just needed to be filled.  I have to go back in three weeks for a checkup but never mind.  On my way out of the dentist I noticed a florist that looked really good - as in they had beautiful bouquets and the shop itself was very well presented so I went in and asked them if they did wedding flowers and they're calling me sometime this week to give me a proper quote.  But the general figure the woman behind the counter gave me was about half of what I'd budgeted for which is excellent.  I have laid out my wedding budget on an excel spreadsheet and tried to be as realistic as possible and it's coming out to about £5,000 more than we were hoping for but oh well, you only get married once (hopefully!) so will just have to deal with it.  I've taken out everything that I can live without having so I don't want to take out anything else.

Only 4 weeks till we move into the house.  Can't wait can't wait can't wait can't wait etc

Went swimming last night for the first time in about 2 years.  Liam goes to taekwondo training in Potters Bar on Sunday evenings and suggested I go with him and use the swimming pool while he's training.  It felt really good being in a pool again, although I found it really hard to swim - I only managed 12 laps in about 20 minutes and then I gave up, I felt like my arms were on fire but I should be able to build that up to something more respectable if we go every week.

I'm looking forward to Sam coming back from holiday so we can go shopping for dresses for the engagement party.  I'm so looking forward to this party, we've got about 150 people coming, it's going to be a great night.

Last night I spent about half an hour scouring the internet for a picture of a Metropolitan police uniform and I couldn't find one anywhere! How is that possible?!  I found loads of pictures of officers wearing the yellow hi visibility vests but that's no good because you can't see the uniform underneath which is what I wanted.

I found an American comany online that does personalised wedding cake toppers where you send them pictures of you and they make the figurines look scarily like you, down to the shape of your eyes, your mouth, the exact dress you'll be wearing etc.  While Liam will be wearing a traditional morning suit or tux or whatever it is grooms wear to the actual wedding, I wanted the figurine to be wearing his police uniform because I think it'll be amusing so I was trying to find a picture of a uniform to send to the woman doing the figurines but I couldn't find anything.  Oh well, there's plenty of time for me to take a picture of Liam in his uniform and send it to her.

But I paid her the deposit which is quite exciting because it's the first deposit I've paid for a wedding-related item so far!
Next week we'll be paying the deposit on the venue which will be huge! (the deposit not the venue, although that is quite big)

Managed to get the flooring sorted out last night - had to stay in the office till 6 waiting for a phonecall from the contractor but he finally got back to me and we've agreed a price and the type of flooring we want and I've just called the developer and told them to go ahead and place the order so that's all done!  Just over 4 weeks to go before we move in to our brand new house! I'm so excited!!

As much as I'm excited about the actual house, I just can't wait to move in together so we can actually see each other more than 1 or 2 days a week.  I jokingly told Liam that I was his weekend girlfriend/fiance the other day but that's exactly what it is at the moment.  Because he works shifts, it's so difficult to see each other during the week.  I can't wait to see him tonight, I haven't seen him since Monday morning when he dropped me off at the train station.  

Have a dentist's appointment tomorrow - am having a root canal :(   this will be the third and hopefully final session tomorrow.  I guess I can't complain because she is very very good and I haven't even needed to take any painkillers after the anaesthetic wore off on either of the last two sessions. 

 I have just booked my wedding venue! Yikes! 

Or....more accurately, we haven't actually booked it but we've told the venue we definitely want to go with them and they're sending me the contract tonight so by next week, it should all be booked and (deposit) paid for!

The last few weeks have seemed never ending.  Now that we've decided on the house and finally being able to move in together is actually in sight, it seems like time's dragging and I just can't get it to go fast enough!  We're supposed to be getting the keys in about 4 and a half weeks.  We've spent the past 2 weeks negotiating with the developer over the flooring (their standard is neutral coloured carpet - Liam and I hate carpet and want wood flooring so we're having to pay a bit extra for it but it'll be worth it).

Since we had our offer accepted on the house (which is a new build that's hopefully completing end of July, in case I haven't mentioned it before) we've found ourselves looking for excuses at least once a week to drive by the house and exclaim over the developments (ooh, they've cut down the hedges, ooh, they've laid the pavement down and just now a call from Liam saying, 'half our porch is up')

I've spent my lunchtimes and evenings alternately looking at bedroom furniture, wedding photographers, laptops [a luxury I will not be able to afford for at least a few months after we move in unfortunately :( ], flooring, and as a result, I just feel all over the place.  But I can't seem to make myself slow down and focus on one thing at a time.

But now we've got the venue more or less sorted, the next order is - agreeing on the flooring in the next week or so - ordering bed/wardrobe etc around second week of July - sorting out music for the DJ for the engagement party on 26th July (oh, have to go shopping for a dress for it first) - then hopefully moving in to house first week of August - then narrowing down shortlist of photographers and trying to book one for the wedding.

ONLY THEN after all the above is sorted out, will I allow myself to start looking at wedding dresses.  And by looking at, I mean actually going to shops and trying them on because I've already been 'looking' at dresses on the internet since virtually the second I got engaged! (or even a few months before that if I'm totally honest!)

In the meantime, roll on 26th July!